Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
