I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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