I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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