Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
