guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
