new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My bed smells like the plague
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
