i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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