i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize