Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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