I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
