how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
