How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
