That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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