That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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