she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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