I accidentally had phone sex last night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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