I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
