well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
