going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize