Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The air was thick with penises
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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