he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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