I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
