i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.