So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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