Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂