11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
honey bunches of taint.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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