no, he came in my armpit
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.