Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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