I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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