Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
a search helicopter?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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