You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
