dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize