if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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