Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
