Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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