got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
