i was born a porn star she said
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
