i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had to cum in my sink.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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