running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
