I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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