I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if only i could text you this smell
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
