i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
birth control should be required to get into college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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