sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
