I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
