Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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