Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
