There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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