Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
