my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It was confusing and full of hummus
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
