Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i believe in u and ur pee
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
