She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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