remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
