They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
