My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
