Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
