her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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