Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
