I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
