so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
