they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
