i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
