Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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