I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
