Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
