can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
