And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We are all done wearing pants today
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
