She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
