if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
