question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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