you have to choose: penises or morals?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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