I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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