Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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