I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That accounts for only three of the penises
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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