It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
