did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
