Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
