they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
