You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
