Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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