I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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