i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
