My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
