): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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